if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
