So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
