well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
