My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
