Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
