btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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