i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
