I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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