You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
