Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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