This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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