I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
