so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
