Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
