it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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