yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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