Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
