2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
