Umm I'm too high to move.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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