My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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