she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
