Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
