who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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