You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
