you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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