Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
