I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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