Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
