I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
