Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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