I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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