OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
