Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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