none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
