I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
