I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
