His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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