okay pat passed out under dana's car
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
