i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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