I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
