Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
