Tell her she can't have a vagina
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
