I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
