If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
