i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
