I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
