yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
