for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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