all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
