i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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