I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
