so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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