she woke up with a sticky ear
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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