I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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