DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
