Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
