The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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