i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
